Click Here to read Terms of Use & Disclaimer!
Here are 7 way that you can support someone grieving . There could be more ways to support someone grieving and others are applicable for certain categories of people and and some not. These suggestions are from my personal experience walking through grief from as child, teen, young adult and adult. You can watch the video on How to support someone grieving on my YouTube Channel Here!
1: Actively Listen
How great it is to have a listening ear when you are at cross roads or in your darkest hour. In my grief journey there were moments I felt I was ready to share my struggles . Sometimes it was to seek help but most times it was just for someone to listen, to offer me a listening ear, to give me a safe space to pour out my heart that I didn’t have to carry the burden of emotions inside, someone who will just listen and not judge me.
I remember I once shared my story with someone who was so dear to me at a moment in my life. They never gave me even an ounce of attention or even their ears, they were glued in their phone, never even showed any interest in what I was saying. Yet it had taken me so much effort to reach this point to finally share. I was in tears but when I looked up I was horrified at how I felt so stupid for pouring out my heart to the wrong person that seemed the right person.
At another event I shared my struggles with another person and they were so overwhelmed that they didn’t know what to do.
As a friend or well wisher or relative, listening may not be one of our strong points, but if for one reason someone decides to open up to you, try to put aside destructions and pay attention. sometimes you don’t have to say anything but just show you are present and listen.
You may offer tissue to wipe away tears or a handkerchief or move little closer to them or give a hug or comforting hand gesture on the shoulder or hold their hand etc. depending on your relationship with them.
Your attention for a few hours could be what saves that persons life. Just be there offer a safe space for the one grieving to pour out their heart and not judge them. Sometimes the information is overwhelming but try to hung in there.
2: Encourage them to talk about their loved one
Sharing the memories of a deceased loved one greatly helped me in my healing journey.
At first I didn’t even want to talk about my dad , then I didn’t know how to but when I found the safe space to share and talk about my dad I got so much peace. It felt like a light I had deemed out was suddenly shining. It came from me sharing both the painful and happy memories. Irrespective of the whether it was a happy or painful memory I felt relief after sharing .
Encourage your bereaved loved one to speak about the memories of a loved one or experiences they might have shared and if they are not ready to talk be patient with them.
Encouraging them to talk about their deceased loved one can also help you be able to support your loved one better. Because during the sharing you will learn more about them and the deceased loved.
3: Consistently check on them
Constantly check on them because grief isolates and makes one feel forsaken and lost in an abyss of emotions. Checking on them makes them know they are not alone, that despite the loss there are people who still care. Checking on them can be inform of just saying Hallo, how are you holding up? It can be a surprise gift card or flowers or a text on the phone or even a phone call.
Its so lonely while one grieves, that sometimes its easier to turn to addictions to fill the void yet if someone stepped in it would make a difference.
4: Visit
During the funeral there are so many people around and many messages of comfort keep coming but when all is over, it becomes silent. That’s when the reality of the loss sets in, when it all feels empty and all the fears and loneliness falls into place. After my fathers death, I remember our friendship circles and relative base greatly reduced. A few months in that’s when the bereaved may start battling with paying debts from the hospital bills or in properties , they might lose their home, may start handling secret family affairs etc.
it is a good thing to continuously visit the bereaved family or loved one, to offer comfort and support. As you visit it could also be good to take some food items or offer financial help if you can. These will help push the family as expenses for the funeral and other necessities may leave a huge debt behind that needs to be cleared. Your physical presence is highly appreciated.
5: Encourage your Loved one to seek professional Help
It is important to encourage your loved one to go for therapy so that they can cope better with grief. Going for therapy will greatly help them understand and accept their new reality and better adapt to it. I never had the chance to go through therapy because we could not afford and also because of ignorance back in the day.
Also consider looking for professional and certified therapists or psychologists depending on the level of grief so that your loved one gets the best help. I once got an opportunity for free therapy that made feel worse than I went and it messed me up so bad. Please look for professional and certified places to get help.
6: Invite them or take them out of their residence
Its important to invite your loved one or take them out of their residence or normal routine. This will help break certain unhealthy patterns that they might have and also reduce risks of falling into addictions. Changing and environment to a happy place , a walk in nature, a meal in a restaurant, a trip etc. help aid healing.
7: Supporting a colleague at the work place
For instance if a colleague comes back to work, you may wonder how to start the conversation, Just say hallo, how are you holding up? It may be tempting to ask how can I be of help, but it most cases they will say all is well. You can still ask the question, some may speak up but others may not. But instead you can help them by taking off some of the work load from them. Giving them a break especially on days like death anniversaries, taking them out for lunch to make sure they eat. etc.
Some people as they grieve they work more, be attentive to help them keep a healthy work balance but above all just be open to talk to them.
Thank you for reading. you can also watch the full video on How to support Someone grieving on my YouTube Channel Here!
Author : Ajal Mary Theodorah
Through The Tunnel Of Grief 