Healing Through Memories and Sharing | Coping with Loss and Grief

When my father passed on there was a silence and unwritten but forbidden rule not to talk about him. It was just so painful. But Occasionally , when my mother was in high spirits she talked about my dad , the things he liked , for instance how he loved eating from home, how he loved traditionally cooked food, how he loved dressing well and how neat he liked things.

Since we were little, my mother always says to my sister in our presence that she has the sixth sense of my father. That my father could locate anything hidden or lost, he just knew where to find anything. Further more, mum always says my sister walks just like my father and how she likes order and neatness. Till today I see the pride and confidence in my sister whenever my mother says those things to her .

I feel super special when my mother says I am a female version of my father, that I resemble him even thou sometimes I feel like I resemble my mother more and its my brother who resembles my father more.

The seemingly small compliments or positive attributes that children possess from their deceased loved ones if complimented well makes the children proud of who they are and of their deceased loved ones. I also know of situations where children who resemble the deceased are hated just because they remind the surviving parent or guardians of the deceased. Instead of embracing it , they make the child feel bad or unfortunate and hate the fact that they resemble their deceased mother , or father.

Recently my one of my aunts was telling me about how my dad travelled to different countries around the world, I was surprised and happy at the same time that I am actually in one way following in his footsteps consciously or unconsciously.

There is so much healing that comes with sharing memories or information about the deceased loved to both younger children and the family at large. This not only keeps the memory of the deceased alive but also educates and it is a source of motivation, inspiration and encouragement .

My father passed on when I was just about 8years old. Overtime, you start forgetting who they are. At a point I had started forgetting my fathers appearance. I had to look for his photos from my mothers album to remind me of how he looked like.

Sharing memories can be through speaking or sharing what you remember or loved about the deceased loved one. it can also be through seeing photos together as a family and remind each other of events that were captured in the pictures and you will be surprised how some information known to only certain members in the family will be brought to light.

sharing the memories can be also through actively doing some of the things that you used to do together with the deceased or what they liked to do. You will be amazed at how you will feel at the end of it all. Sometimes you will be filled with tears and sobbing’s but as you cry , as you sob, you are getting healing, that the pains that were tucked hidden are following out in the tears. These can be in the form of cooking their favorite dish, watching their favorite movie or listening to their favorite song.

These activities also bring you closer as a family and aids healing together and certain tensions or resentments that some family members had will slowly be washed away and replaced with love and warmth.

Have you tried sharing some memories or taking about your deceased loved one with family or friends, what was your experience.

Author : Ajal Mary Theodorah

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