How to cope with Raw Grief!

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Grief is not a straight process that has a clear start and end. It is a complex maze of emotions experienced during and after loss. Everyone’s grief journey is unique with everyone finding ways of coping differently.

When my father died when I was 8 years old, everything went silent, and it felt like he never existed and I was trapped in a place that felt like his existence was a mirage or maybe a dream. You can watch the Video on how to cope with raw grief here!

It was hard to ask questions as a child since my father’s passing left me with many unanswered questions that I needed him to answer, but he also left a big void in me I missed his love, his closeness, and security, I missed what it meant to smile and laugh from deep my soul.

The reality of his passing is something a struggled to acknowledge and the fact that I had no clear access to his gravesite always made me think maybe he just moved away and never passed on.

After my father’s funeral, everything went silent, we had other battles to fight, to keep alive and my mother did the best she could to protect us and provide and saw that we made it through.

No one can understand the struggles you go through in grief and the crazy things that you might do to cope. Sometimes you may be advised to take down all the photos, give away the clothes, burn the pictures, move to a new place, and start all over and many will tell you to move on with life. Constantly reminding you why you need to move on, how you should stop talking about your deceased loved one or visiting their gravesite or praying for the dead if you believe in that as I do.

Grief isolates you and without people around who understand and offer you a safe space and place to allow you to grieve well and heal.  And the things that would make you heal faster is striped from you or you are made feel ashamed or guilty doing them, like visiting the gravesite of your loved one, or talking about them, or keeping their memory alive, that you are forced to shut down which complicates your healing journey.

 Grief at least from my experience, there’s no moving on, you can never get used to the loss even after many years you still feel the loss. What you do is learn to evolve and live through grief, to learn to coexist with grief healthily, so that amidst it you have a new rebirth.

You are acknowledging the loss of your loved one, appreciating them for who they have been in your life, that they remain alive in your life, in the memories and the things you do, and that the scars left by the loss are scars of victory.

You might be overwhelmed by the whole experience, the shock, unbelief, and overwhelming inflow of information from all sides.

In all this find a way to grieve, to express the chaos and range of emotions and loss you are experiencing, you can do this by journaling or writing down your emotions it has helped a lot especially if you still are not in a safe space to talk.

You can also join a grief community, a place of people who are experiencing grief to share experiences and help you walk through because they understand your loss and won’t judge you but together help you find your way.

Talk about your deceased loved one.  For instance, if you have children, they will only ever know their father, mother, sister, or grandparent, etc. who passed on by you talking to the children.

But I started healing when I started talking about my dad, the experiences we had good and bad, and every time I talked about him, I felt relieved, sometimes you can still cry but its healing and relieving.

Get something that keeps you physically active like exercise or gardening or a walk in nature will relax you and calm you down amidst all the struggles you are experiencing.

Prayer is also another great aspect that can help you, I understand if its overwhelming sometimes or many times because I have been there. But if you can pray its very helpful

Another great thing that helped me is going for Eucharistic adoration, all you have to do is go ans sit before the blessed sacrament, it’s a way of worship and prayer done in the catholic church. Eucharistic adoration gave me such a peace and calm that I cannot explain.

Read the bible it is a great source of Hope , life and endurance in difficult moments . the bible offered me consolation and explanations to my life situation in grief that defied all odds and it kept me moving.

As a family if you have one, walk through the grief journey together, by constantly communicating with each other and don’t isolate from one another, don’t separate from each other come closer instead. Grief if not handled well tears down families and relationships. It is a hard time but find a way to stay together as a family.

Celebrate birthdays or death anniversaries of your loved one, you loved one truly dies if you stop remembering them or making them part of your life. I have been told several times to stop any connections I have with my father, my grand parents Sofia, Raphael, but they are a very important part of my life and they are twined in my whole being, I am what I am today because of who they are in my life. My father despite all the hurt that came in between showed me what it means to be a child deeply loved by her father, my grand parents taught me all I know . Why would I not remember them . Many will not understand, but to you my friend who is grieving I understand when you want to carry on with the memories of your loved one. It doesn’t mean that you shutdown your life  or live in the past but it means that you carry happy memories of your loved ones with you , you celebrate their lives , you acknowledge who they are in your life .

Plant flowers on their gravesite,

All these help us heal and come to a place that we can help others heal too.

You can watch the video on how to cope with raw grief on my YouTube Channel Here

Author : Ajal Mary Theodorah